Thursday, March 26, 2009

Break Up 101

No one in this world ever want to be in a break up sitch, who does right? Aside from you or your ex wining and ranting about your recent break up your friends will eventually get sick and tired of you yacking over and over again about the same old shit that you should have figured out even before Moses found the golden laso.. oh wait, that was Linda Carter. So before your friend’s nose bleeds and starts to abandon you, leaving you with your mute imaginary friends, here are a couple of tips to get by… or get even. Whatever works! Lol!The things I am about to spill does not necessarily point at my nose, but will sure do point at yours if in any case you’d be in this very dreadful situation!

#1Stop listening to love songs, it will only make you feel bad, I mean, come on, you are suffering from a post relationship trauma, the least you’d need to hear are those superficial effin love songs that talks about love love love and love… These songs are composed by some drug addict paid with big bucks to make listeners feel good, and that demographic does not include you! Okay? So stop it! Not unless you are glutton for pain!

#2 (For 18 and above only)Watch a lot of porn! Yes, it is a proven fact that exercise produces a lot of endorphins! And as we all know endorphins makes people happy! And giggly and bubbly! (okay stop you’re being too obvious) So you might ask me, what’s the connection between porn and exercise?? Masturbation of course! Duh? I mean, who wants to exercise really??? Masturbation is enjoyable and almost has the same physical activity as doing dumbbells (only faster) some abs work out and “THE” leg stretching (come on, I can see you smiling now) and yes you might want to exercise those vocal chords by moaning a bit… it wouldn’t hurt not unless you live with your folks (ouch)

#3Learn a foreign language! Nothing can be as challenging as learning another language! It will take most of your time and would most likely take your mind off of your ex! If you are lucky you might just be able to translate things you never thought you’d one day understand! One interesting language to learn is Martian, yes the language from the planet Mars! You might just be able to understand what your ex was talking about all this time you thought he was speaking in your own language, and by the time you complete the course, you will come to realize that it was all a joke! Hahaha! And laugh you will. Erhm…

#4Shredder mode: If you can, please do, or at least try, it’s very liberating! Nothing can be so fulfilling than shredding your ex’s photos! Shred it in many ways you can, different shapes and sizes and build a huge collage mixing and matching the different parts of face and body! By doing so you can create a whole new image of your ex in a different light which most probably be so messed up it would just remind you how fucked up you were together! And that it was probably meant to be that way.#5And last but not the least, watch news about war, calamities and and… news on politics! Most especially Philippine politics! You’d be glad to be where you are now and I’m sure you’d be able to tell yourself that you are not that fucked up at all!

Cheers yall!

xoxo

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