TOP 10 WORST CHRISTMAS SONGS!!!

Top 10 Worst Christmas SOng ever...

Its officially Christmas, and as usual you'll hear those "We wish you a merry christmas......." carols anywhere, malls, streets, even on net. I think this urged me to write something about it, well not the good ones, But the worst ones. I checked on net, and this is the result of the surey made.

10.“Christmas Forever” by Freddie Jackson
It’s a complete fluke that I or for that matter ANYONE has ever heard of this song from obscure RnB singer Freddie Jackson. It was part of an album that my parent bought one year called “RnB Christmas” which really is the only complete Christmas album I’ve ever liked, containing amazing renditions of classic Christmas songs by the likes of Al Green, Nat King Cole, and James Brown. Among those gems was the one lump of coal in the form of Jackson’s original number. (I’m instantly suspicious of anyone who writes an original Christmas song these days.)The song is pretty annoying to listen to, but not quite bad enough to merit inclusion now that I think of it. Pretty much the sum extent of it’s awfulness is how irritatingly catchy it is. I include it here anyway, because in it’s lyrics it has one of the stupidest lines I’ve ever heard.The chorus starts with the line: “I wish we had…CHRISTMAS FOREEEEVERRRR!!!!”I hope I’m not the only one who realizes what a bad idea that would be. The notion of having “Christmas forever” implies that Christmas will occur every day. If it occurs every day even the most pious of Christians would become a cynical wreck.“It’s Christmas again? Who cares!? It was Christmas YESTERDAY!”And for that matter think of what would happen to people’s personal economies, if they’re expected to make purchases for friends and family every single damn day. At that rate eventually EVERYONE will be getting coal!Another line in the chorus goes: “I pray we neeeveeeeeeer…let Christmas slip…AWAAAAY!!” Well guess what, Freddie? That’s EXACTLY what will happen if we HAVE Christmas Forever! Next time think your sentimental statements through a little more!

9."My Christmas List" by Simple Plan
This is the Christmas song that department stores play when they want to seem “edgy.” (The only problem is that as far as Punk Rock goes, Simple Plan are only slightly edgier than a wet lasagna noodle.)Let me tell you, there’s nothing that fills me full of disdain more during the holiday season than listening to a bunch of whiny tweens sing about wantonness and greed, not to mention when they make some of the most atrocious excuses for rhyming you’ll ever hear.“Life” does not rhyme with “Tonight.” Don’t try to argue this with me.If you’re able to stomach the shrill vocalist though, you’ll be treated to some absolutely delightful lyrics praising everything that makes people cynical about Christmas in the first place. After all we can ALL agree that Christmas music needs more crass commercialism anyway. (“It’s Christmas / So Don’t Stop Spending / I Want A Million Gifts, That’s Right!” or “And No Matter What I Get Tonight / I Still Want More”)It makes no difference to me whether Simple Plan meant by the materialism or not, or if they were just kidding. We’ve reached a point where the grating sound of the emo-shout style of singing has become so ingrained in the mainstream that pretty much every lyric is meant to be taken seriously, and that’s what makes this song that much more nauseating.

8."Merry Xmas Everybody" by Slade
Remember when the US embraced the British music scene when the likes of The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Queen, and varied others were prominently featured? Doesn’t it seem like in more recent times America has taken that policy of embracing GOOD Brit music and completely REVERSED IT, and have instead started taking in utter crap? It’s the only explanation for the US success of The Darkness, Lily Allen, and the sudden appearance of this song in department stores.While some songs have many things wrong with them, in this case everything can be summed up about what makes this song poor in two words:Noddy Holder.Maybe Europeans have a higher tolerance for ear rape than Americans do, but every time I hear Slade’s frontman perform something akin to singing throughout this tune, I become that much more deaf. Especially near the end, when he unleashes that horrifying screech of “IT’S CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!!” at too high a decibel for it to be enjoyable.I can’t begin to understand how that song can be played in department stores in some of the more conservative states here in America. Upon hearing that, parents would think their children were possessed by Satan himself.

7. "Santa Baby" by Everclear
Somehow this song follows a formula similar to the movie Space Jam. In that I actually like the band Everclear. They wrote a lot of great songs during the 90s that stick with me. I also don’t mind the tune Santa Baby when it’s the original one performed by Eartha Kitt, who filled it with an equal amount of charm and humor.But when you put Everclear and Santa Baby together…it becomes something not meant for human ears.Oh how I wish I was making this up, but I’m not. Everclear honestly recorded a cover of Santa Baby, and it’s just about one of the creepiest songs I’ve ever heard. (2nd only to Gene Simmons’ cover of “When You Wish Upon A Star”, which I also wish I was making up.)When it’s sung by Eartha Kitt or a similar singer, calling Santa Claus a cutie, honey, asking Santa to “trim my Christmas tree”, or practically asking for marriage is kinda funny, and only slightly less creepy. (He is an old guy after all.) When it’s sung by Art Alexakis, those same lyrics become horribly horribly wrong, (The lyrics remain completely unchanged except for the part about “think of all the fellas I coulda kissed.” “Fellas” becomes “Girlies.”) and make me wonder if there’s something about Everclear’s frontman that he’s not telling us. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)There IS however, something wrong with this song. I will give Everclear SOME credit though for doing it at all, when they remain the only band to have covered the song that isn’t a woman….or gay.

6. "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" by Elmo & Patsy
If there’s one thing I despise more than these bad Christmas songs it’s rednecks, and the glorification of rednecks. (It’s become harder and harder for me to admit to being American when I live in the land of Larry The Cable Guy, The Grand Ole Opry, and NASCAR.) I guess sometime around 1983 (Uh…before I was even born…) there was a “Disdain Detection Van” driving around my neighborhood, and took my pre-existence anger towards the two, and combined them into this foulness.Is there some sort of rule about novelty songs that anyone who sings one has to sound mind-gratingly annoying? (I’m looking at you, Weird Al fans.) If that’s the case, this song succeeds par for the course, with the most annoyingly nasal husband and wife singing duo (A typical disaster recipe) channeling John Denver, with the hick-ness pumped up to unhealthy levels.The only thing remotely funny about this song is that noone is shaken up at all about the death of the story’s Grandma after she’s been run over. My only guess is that it’s a regular occasion that people get trampled by flying elk, or that Grandma had it coming to her. (I sometimes get feelings of elation by listening to the song and imagining the Grandma in question is Ann Coulter in about 30 years. It’s a nice little fantasy, but doesn’t help make the song sound any better.)

5. "Jingle Bells (A Hip-Hop Carol)" by Kyle Massey
Don’t worry. That low humming noise you just heard wasn’t something wrong with your computer. It was the sound of me groaning with such irritation that it actually emanated from your monitor.As I’ve mentioned in my Bad Covers List, (Specifically in talking about Club Nouveau’s version of “Lean On Me”) I really hate it when people decide to take pre-existing a song and add some “Urban Flava” to it, thinking it would make it better. Well guess what? This version not only turns the time-honored Jingle Bells song into a Hip-hop tune, but it’s by a Disney Channel artist as well! Joyous occasion!Does Disney have some sort of cardinal law that everyone who works for them has to be both a bad sitcom star (Cory In The House, in this case.) and a bad musical artist? Get back to me on that.Listening to it, I’m beginning to wonder just how this was even published on Disney’s record label. It’s a CHRISTMAS song, (Presumably) and yet it still sounds as if people could bump and grind to it. I’m no paragon of christian values, but even I in my slothful atheistic ways know that that’s far too wrong.

4. "A Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney
“The wrong two Beatles died first.”- George Carlin
Anyone else notice that Paul McCartney after the Beatles has written some unfathomably lame music? For every “Live & Let Die”, “Maybe I’m Amazed”, and “Band On The Run”, there’s been an “Ebony & Ivory”, a “Silly Love Songs”, and an “Uncle Albert” to bring him down.It makes sense then that he would at one point write a Christmas song, and it would be a disaster to listen to. In a way it’s a good measure of just how far the man who wrote “Helter Skelter” (One of my “Best Rock Song Ever” picks.) has fallen, and who he is now: Sappy. Lifeless. Devoid of the qualities that kept him from writing songs like “Let Em In.”Another thing, Mr. McCartney: Just because you got a synthesizer for Christmas one time, that doesn’t mean you HAVE to use it…and more specifically you don’t have to record an entire song with next to nothing BUT it, especially if you can’t figure out the settings enough to make it sound listenable.

3. "Do They Know It's Christmas?" by Band Aid
As a rule in general, benefit songs where slews of artists get together to sing a song about their cause of choice tend to suck aloud. Just because their hearts are in the right places, that doesn’t excuse such awful dreck as USA For Africa’s “We Are The World” or Artists Against AIDs’ repulsive butchering of Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Going On.”This one in particular is a little different, as in addition to having the stigma of being a bad benefit song, it also carries the stigma of being a bad Christmas song.Sure, it was a song about ending world hunger, but its message comes across in what’s probably the most condescending manner I’ve ever heard from a pop song. (The effect is only heightened when you think of the lineup of the original one, which contained every irritating British 80s popper in lockstep, from Boy George to George Michael…and yet somehow David Bowie was there too.) I have to wonder just how whichever African countries heard this tune took it, because its lyrics make the continent out to be some sort of dystopian wasteland. Lyrics like how Africa is a place “Where nothing ever grows” and how “The only river flowing is the bitter sting of tears” immediately come to mind. Some might call that taking some artistic licensing. I’d call it being an awful lyricist.This song is so bad that even Morrissey hated it, saying: “One can have great concern for the people of Ethiopia, but it's another thing to inflict daily torture on the people of England. It was an awful record considering the mass of talent involved. And it wasn't done shyly, it was the most self-righteous platform ever in the history of popular music.”There are two versions of it, the original from 1989 and the remade version from 2004. (Which I can’t believe Thom Yorke played piano on.) Pick either one, because they both sound terrible, in spite of the talent they had to work with.

2. "It's The Holiday Season" by Andy Williams
For those of you unfamiliar with Andy Williams and the type of music he specialized in, I can very easily sum it up for you in a single blurb: Andy Williams is the tamest crooner you will come across. (Pat Boone comes pretty close, though.) He’s for people who think Dean Martin is too edgy.Looking back this song might not be as bad as some of the other entries on this list, but I include it in such a high spot, because it was the most played song in damn near EVERY DEPARTMENT STORE I’VE EVER VISITED. Not to mention the numerous doctors offices and school offices that have it wafting through the halls. As such, it has chipped away a large portion of my mind, and embedded itself there, slowly reaching it’s tentacle-like protrusions into my brain, hitting me with aneurysms every time I hear it.(I would like to interrupt this article briefly for a quick message to all the Paul McCartney fans out there: PLEEEEASE! STOP CIRCLING AROUND MY BUILDING WITH TORCHES AND PITCHFORKS! YOU HAVE CONVINCED ME! I TAKE BACK ALL THE AWFUL THINGS I JUST SAID ABOUT PAUL MCCARTNEY! HE IS A MUSICAL GENIUS AND I HAVE ERECTED A TASTEFUL SHRINE IN MY CLOSET TO WORSHIP ONCE I FINISH WRITING THIS ARTICLE! NOW PLEASE LEAVE ME BE! LOVE ISN’T SILLY AT ALL, I SWEAR!)The most cringe-inducing moment, which I’m sure most people remember, is Williams’ impromptu “scat?” singing in the middle, with the most ridiculous lyrics: It's the holiday season / The holiday season / So whoop-dee-doo, and dickory dock / And don't forget to hang up your sock / 'Cause just exactly at twelve o'clock / He'll be coming down the chimney down!Most people who remember this can’t really think of a proper word to describe Williams’ lyrical failings, so they settle on the term “Irreverent.”I’ve got a better word: Idiotic.

1. "Christmas Shoes" by Newsong

Written by Mr. Vorhias, The Music Snob
Saturday, 06 December 2008 00:00
It has officially been more than one day after Thanksgiving, so by the standards of department stores and marketing executives everywhere: The Christmas season has now begun. (Actually that’s not true. For them Christmas began as soon as Halloween was half over.)My opinion towards the holiday has been a rollercoaster ride, fluctuating between misty-eyed joy and bare cynicism. Lately though, I’ve just sorta let it come and go, celebrating it all the same with my family and not making TOO big of a festivity of it. It’s still a pretty nice time of the year. (In spite of the fact that most fundie christians would tell me I shouldn’t be allowed to celebrate it.)I can recall having my lowest opinion towards Christmas back when I was in High School. As a way of earning some extra greenbacks, I’d taken on a temporary employment job in mid-October at SEARS. What I hadn’t expected was that I’d be kept on through November, and the biggest surprise came to me when I worked into the holiday season.Yes. I have experienced the consumer horrors of Black Friday firsthand. It came to be so god-awful working there, and it cut into my school hours, slowly turning me into a zombie, so I quit just as we hit mid-December.I don’t begrudge the increase in hours at a minimum wage, or supervisors constantly berating me for not offering customers SEARS card plans, or even the customers themselves asking my personal opinion on whether their little Billy would like the red Tonka truck or the blue Tonka truck.My disdain instead lies in the atmosphere; specifically the terrible, terrible Christmas music that played over the loudspeakers. It’d be one thing if they just played simple straightforward renditions of carols or something, I can handle that, but somehow SEARS managed to get ahold of the most annoying, and disgustingly bad holiday mix CD ever conceived, and thus made what was just supposed to be a couple of weeks of earning some quick high school cash into a migraine-inductive chore.Which brings me to this list. What’s the best way to vent my rage against these aural eye-rollers that would make Jesus himself shove cotton in his ears? To bring them to your attention and make fun of them. Maybe you’ve heard them wafting through a department store somewhere, breaking your concentration. Sure they’re songs about CHRISTMAS, but that doesn’t make them alright.

The 10 Worst Christmas Songs
(Still Not Doing 11 Like Everyone Else)

10. “Christmas Forever” by Freddie Jackson
It’s a complete fluke that I or for that matter ANYONE has ever heard of this song from obscure RnB singer Freddie Jackson. It was part of an album that my parent bought one year called “RnB Christmas” which really is the only complete Christmas album I’ve ever liked, containing amazing renditions of classic Christmas songs by the likes of Al Green, Nat King Cole, and James Brown. Among those gems was the one lump of coal in the form of Jackson’s original number. (I’m instantly suspicious of anyone who writes an original Christmas song these days.)The song is pretty annoying to listen to, but not quite bad enough to merit inclusion now that I think of it. Pretty much the sum extent of it’s awfulness is how irritatingly catchy it is. I include it here anyway, because in it’s lyrics it has one of the stupidest lines I’ve ever heard.The chorus starts with the line: “I wish we had…CHRISTMAS FOREEEEVERRRR!!!!”I hope I’m not the only one who realizes what a bad idea that would be. The notion of having “Christmas forever” implies that Christmas will occur every day. If it occurs every day even the most pious of Christians would become a cynical wreck.“It’s Christmas again? Who cares!? It was Christmas YESTERDAY!”And for that matter think of what would happen to people’s personal economies, if they’re expected to make purchases for friends and family every single damn day. At that rate eventually EVERYONE will be getting coal!Another line in the chorus goes: “I pray we neeeveeeeeeer…let Christmas slip…AWAAAAY!!” Well guess what, Freddie? That’s EXACTLY what will happen if we HAVE Christmas Forever! Next time think your sentimental statements through a little more!
Listen To It Here

9. "My Christmas List" by Simple Plan

This is the Christmas song that department stores play when they want to seem “edgy.” (The only problem is that as far as Punk Rock goes, Simple Plan are only slightly edgier than a wet lasagna noodle.)Let me tell you, there’s nothing that fills me full of disdain more during the holiday season than listening to a bunch of whiny tweens sing about wantonness and greed, not to mention when they make some of the most atrocious excuses for rhyming you’ll ever hear.“Life” does not rhyme with “Tonight.” Don’t try to argue this with me.If you’re able to stomach the shrill vocalist though, you’ll be treated to some absolutely delightful lyrics praising everything that makes people cynical about Christmas in the first place. After all we can ALL agree that Christmas music needs more crass commercialism anyway. (“It’s Christmas / So Don’t Stop Spending / I Want A Million Gifts, That’s Right!” or “And No Matter What I Get Tonight / I Still Want More”)It makes no difference to me whether Simple Plan meant by the materialism or not, or if they were just kidding. We’ve reached a point where the grating sound of the emo-shout style of singing has become so ingrained in the mainstream that pretty much every lyric is meant to be taken seriously, and that’s what makes this song that much more nauseating.
Listen To It Here

8. "Merry Xmas Everybody" by Slade

Remember when the US embraced the British music scene when the likes of The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Queen, and varied others were prominently featured? Doesn’t it seem like in more recent times America has taken that policy of embracing GOOD Brit music and completely REVERSED IT, and have instead started taking in utter crap? It’s the only explanation for the US success of The Darkness, Lily Allen, and the sudden appearance of this song in department stores.While some songs have many things wrong with them, in this case everything can be summed up about what makes this song poor in two words:Noddy Holder.Maybe Europeans have a higher tolerance for ear rape than Americans do, but every time I hear Slade’s frontman perform something akin to singing throughout this tune, I become that much more deaf. Especially near the end, when he unleashes that horrifying screech of “IT’S CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!!” at too high a decibel for it to be enjoyable.I can’t begin to understand how that song can be played in department stores in some of the more conservative states here in America. Upon hearing that, parents would think their children were possessed by Satan himself.
Listen To It Here

7. "Santa Baby" by Everclear

Somehow this song follows a formula similar to the movie Space Jam. In that I actually like the band Everclear. They wrote a lot of great songs during the 90s that stick with me. I also don’t mind the tune Santa Baby when it’s the original one performed by Eartha Kitt, who filled it with an equal amount of charm and humor.But when you put Everclear and Santa Baby together…it becomes something not meant for human ears.Oh how I wish I was making this up, but I’m not. Everclear honestly recorded a cover of Santa Baby, and it’s just about one of the creepiest songs I’ve ever heard. (2nd only to Gene Simmons’ cover of “When You Wish Upon A Star”, which I also wish I was making up.)When it’s sung by Eartha Kitt or a similar singer, calling Santa Claus a cutie, honey, asking Santa to “trim my Christmas tree”, or practically asking for marriage is kinda funny, and only slightly less creepy. (He is an old guy after all.) When it’s sung by Art Alexakis, those same lyrics become horribly horribly wrong, (The lyrics remain completely unchanged except for the part about “think of all the fellas I coulda kissed.” “Fellas” becomes “Girlies.”) and make me wonder if there’s something about Everclear’s frontman that he’s not telling us. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)There IS however, something wrong with this song. I will give Everclear SOME credit though for doing it at all, when they remain the only band to have covered the song that isn’t a woman….or gay.
Listen To It Here

6. "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" by Elmo & Patsy

If there’s one thing I despise more than these bad Christmas songs it’s rednecks, and the glorification of rednecks. (It’s become harder and harder for me to admit to being American when I live in the land of Larry The Cable Guy, The Grand Ole Opry, and NASCAR.) I guess sometime around 1983 (Uh…before I was even born…) there was a “Disdain Detection Van” driving around my neighborhood, and took my pre-existence anger towards the two, and combined them into this foulness.Is there some sort of rule about novelty songs that anyone who sings one has to sound mind-gratingly annoying? (I’m looking at you, Weird Al fans.) If that’s the case, this song succeeds par for the course, with the most annoyingly nasal husband and wife singing duo (A typical disaster recipe) channeling John Denver, with the hick-ness pumped up to unhealthy levels.The only thing remotely funny about this song is that noone is shaken up at all about the death of the story’s Grandma after she’s been run over. My only guess is that it’s a regular occasion that people get trampled by flying elk, or that Grandma had it coming to her. (I sometimes get feelings of elation by listening to the song and imagining the Grandma in question is Ann Coulter in about 30 years. It’s a nice little fantasy, but doesn’t help make the song sound any better.)
Listen To It Here

5. "Jingle Bells (A Hip-Hop Carol)" by Kyle Massey

Don’t worry. That low humming noise you just heard wasn’t something wrong with your computer. It was the sound of me groaning with such irritation that it actually emanated from your monitor.As I’ve mentioned in my Bad Covers List, (Specifically in talking about Club Nouveau’s version of “Lean On Me”) I really hate it when people decide to take pre-existing a song and add some “Urban Flava” to it, thinking it would make it better. Well guess what? This version not only turns the time-honored Jingle Bells song into a Hip-hop tune, but it’s by a Disney Channel artist as well! Joyous occasion!Does Disney have some sort of cardinal law that everyone who works for them has to be both a bad sitcom star (Cory In The House, in this case.) and a bad musical artist? Get back to me on that.Listening to it, I’m beginning to wonder just how this was even published on Disney’s record label. It’s a CHRISTMAS song, (Presumably) and yet it still sounds as if people could bump and grind to it. I’m no paragon of christian values, but even I in my slothful atheistic ways know that that’s far too wrong.
Listen To It Here

4. "A Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney

“The wrong two Beatles died first.”- George CarlinAnyone else notice that Paul McCartney after the Beatles has written some unfathomably lame music? For every “Live & Let Die”, “Maybe I’m Amazed”, and “Band On The Run”, there’s been an “Ebony & Ivory”, a “Silly Love Songs”, and an “Uncle Albert” to bring him down.It makes sense then that he would at one point write a Christmas song, and it would be a disaster to listen to. In a way it’s a good measure of just how far the man who wrote “Helter Skelter” (One of my “Best Rock Song Ever” picks.) has fallen, and who he is now: Sappy. Lifeless. Devoid of the qualities that kept him from writing songs like “Let Em In.”Another thing, Mr. McCartney: Just because you got a synthesizer for Christmas one time, that doesn’t mean you HAVE to use it…and more specifically you don’t have to record an entire song with next to nothing BUT it, especially if you can’t figure out the settings enough to make it sound listenable.
Listen To It Here

3. "Do They Know It's Christmas?" by Band Aid

As a rule in general, benefit songs where slews of artists get together to sing a song about their cause of choice tend to suck aloud. Just because their hearts are in the right places, that doesn’t excuse such awful dreck as USA For Africa’s “We Are The World” or Artists Against AIDs’ repulsive butchering of Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Going On.”This one in particular is a little different, as in addition to having the stigma of being a bad benefit song, it also carries the stigma of being a bad Christmas song.Sure, it was a song about ending world hunger, but its message comes across in what’s probably the most condescending manner I’ve ever heard from a pop song. (The effect is only heightened when you think of the lineup of the original one, which contained every irritating British 80s popper in lockstep, from Boy George to George Michael…and yet somehow David Bowie was there too.) I have to wonder just how whichever African countries heard this tune took it, because its lyrics make the continent out to be some sort of dystopian wasteland. Lyrics like how Africa is a place “Where nothing ever grows” and how “The only river flowing is the bitter sting of tears” immediately come to mind. Some might call that taking some artistic licensing. I’d call it being an awful lyricist.This song is so bad that even Morrissey hated it, saying: “One can have great concern for the people of Ethiopia, but it's another thing to inflict daily torture on the people of England. It was an awful record considering the mass of talent involved. And it wasn't done shyly, it was the most self-righteous platform ever in the history of popular music.”There are two versions of it, the original from 1989 and the remade version from 2004. (Which I can’t believe Thom Yorke played piano on.) Pick either one, because they both sound terrible, in spite of the talent they had to work with.
Listen To It Here

2. "It's The Holiday Season" by Andy Williams

For those of you unfamiliar with Andy Williams and the type of music he specialized in, I can very easily sum it up for you in a single blurb: Andy Williams is the tamest crooner you will come across. (Pat Boone comes pretty close, though.) He’s for people who think Dean Martin is too edgy.Looking back this song might not be as bad as some of the other entries on this list, but I include it in such a high spot, because it was the most played song in damn near EVERY DEPARTMENT STORE I’VE EVER VISITED. Not to mention the numerous doctors offices and school offices that have it wafting through the halls. As such, it has chipped away a large portion of my mind, and embedded itself there, slowly reaching it’s tentacle-like protrusions into my brain, hitting me with aneurysms every time I hear it.(I would like to interrupt this article briefly for a quick message to all the Paul McCartney fans out there: PLEEEEASE! STOP CIRCLING AROUND MY BUILDING WITH TORCHES AND PITCHFORKS! YOU HAVE CONVINCED ME! I TAKE BACK ALL THE AWFUL THINGS I JUST SAID ABOUT PAUL MCCARTNEY! HE IS A MUSICAL GENIUS AND I HAVE ERECTED A TASTEFUL SHRINE IN MY CLOSET TO WORSHIP ONCE I FINISH WRITING THIS ARTICLE! NOW PLEASE LEAVE ME BE! LOVE ISN’T SILLY AT ALL, I SWEAR!)The most cringe-inducing moment, which I’m sure most people remember, is Williams’ impromptu “scat?” singing in the middle, with the most ridiculous lyrics: It's the holiday season / The holiday season / So whoop-dee-doo, and dickory dock / And don't forget to hang up your sock / 'Cause just exactly at twelve o'clock / He'll be coming down the chimney down!Most people who remember this can’t really think of a proper word to describe Williams’ lyrical failings, so they settle on the term “Irreverent.”I’ve got a better word: Idiotic.
Listen To It Here

1. "Christmas Shoes" by Newsong

To be honest, I question the veracity of calling this a proper Christmas song, because apart from being really bad at invoking the spirit of the holiday, it’s just about the most depressing fucking thing I’ve ever heard. (And yet the most I listen to it, the most hilarious it becomes.)I could talk about how it’s sung in such an over-the-top manner that you’d have to inject your stereo with morphine to calm it down, or maybe about how after the bridge the singer is cast aside for an irritating child singer, presumably to evoke sympathy, but none of that matters.All that matters is the lyrical content, about a child ripped straight out of a Charles Dickens book, who so desperately wants to buy a pair of shoes for his dying mother as one last Christmas gift, because: “I want her to look beautiful / If Mama meets Jesus tonight.”What the hell? That’s not adorable or uplifting, that’s MORBID.But it gets better/worse, as it turns out the kid gets his shoes (So Mama can look sexy for Jesus.) because the protagonist/singer helps pay for them, and feels better about it because:“I knew I’d caught a glimpse of heaven’s love / As he thanked me and ran out / I knew that God had sent that little boy / To remind me just what Christmas is all about”Holy Shit. Do you realize just what this means?!What’s implied is that God KILLED that little kid’s mother, and thus threw his whole destitute family into emotional disarray, and probably scarring him FOREVER, just for the side-effect of sending him to a store to get a pair of shoes for the purpose of making the singer act like less of a douchebag. Well your plan FAILED, God! The singer’s STILL a douchebag at the end, because he doesn’t even give a damn that the kid’s mother died!What the hell kind of Christmas song IS this? It’s like writing a song for the 4th of July encouraging the British to “try again.”Clearly you Contemporary Christian Musicians can’t even get your own holidays right, so just go back to writing songs about how Jesus gives you a massive stiffy and stay out of the department stores.